My badass 'roo stache.

We named it Mercy.

No explanation needed.

Lindsey Baker

This post is for you.

I can't wait for you to come home so we can have a fat kid party at my new house. Bobrey is obviously invited too. It's pretty much going to rule.

The Sixty One

So a friend on Facebook turned me on to an amazing music website that you should check out called The Sixty One (http://www.thesixtyone.com/). It's kind of hard to explain how it all works but here's the gist: artists upload music to their profile and listeners use a preallotted amount of "hearts" to bump music they like. It works kind of like digg but instead of "digging" something on the web you "heart" songs you like. Also, there is a levelling and achievement system that allows you to unlock advanced features and get more daily hearts based on reputation you earn from hearting popular songs. The game aspect of the site makes listening to music fun and the social community is nothing short of spectacular. I've never been apart of an online community where the members are so generous and respectful.

Honestly, I have found more amazing bands/artists in a month of perusing this site than in the last year of actively searching for new stuff to listen to on my own. One of the first artists I found was William Fitzsimmons who I actually got to see last week at The Square Room here in Knoxville. If it wasn't for T61 I would have probably never even heard of him. And he is just the tip of the iceberg.

So seriously, do yourself a favor and join up... I promise you'll love it.

Riddit-dit-da-roo

For so many years I've endlessly made fun of all the hippies that go to Bonnaroo. I just don't see what is so appealing about going to a field for 4 days with thousands of unshowered idiots to listen a bunch of music that I hate. Why would I want to spend $4 for a bottle of water? Who gives a shit about the stupid ass Dave Matthews Band or Umphrey's McGhee? THEY SUCK BALLS FOLKS! Who wants to swelter in 90-degree heat with nothing but patchwork pants and a wife beater on? Not to mention all the mud, murders, rape... oh wait, that was Altamont.

I have had nothing but hate for this stupid effing festival for as long as I can remember... so why am I going this year?

I'll tell you why.

1) The Lineup. This year's lineup is simply put... amazing. Sure, there are a bunch of bullshit bands that I couldn't care less about but I am definitely going to get my money's worth. Grizzly Bear, The Mars Volta, Bon Iver, Bruce THE EFFING BOSS Springsteen, Beastie Boys, NIN, Wilco, Costello, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Band of Horses, The Decemberists, Coheed and sooooo many more that I don't even have time to list. This is also not including the comedic stylings of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Arj Barker and Kristen Schaal to name a few. Seriously.... this is going to be amazing and will be worth every penny of the $267 I dropped on a ticket.

2) The Friends. I'm happy to report that I'm going to be sharing this experience with some of the best friends in the world... Pan, Cole, Paul, and Thomas. I couldn't ask for a better group of dudes to go to this with me and honestly think it will be something we remember sharing for a long time to come.

3) The cleanliness factor. From what I hear, the aforementioned dirty skanky nasty hippies aren't so bad. Apparently there are showering stations and plenty of bathrooms but we'll see.


There are a million other reasons why this is going to be, quite possibly, the highlight of my year. I'm sure there will be many more that actually spring up when I'm actually at Bonnaroo and I'll be sure to share once we return home.

Effing Bayless effing out bitches.

These poor people

As my day at work winds down I've begun reminiscing about some of the amazing people I've encountered in my lifetime. I thought I'd share with you some of the hilarious and most unfortunate names known to man. Keep in mind these are all real names and I've talked to every single one of them.

Galaxy Starcruiser
Mark Batman
Michael Jackson
Michael Jordan
Fidel Castro
Richard Sack (Dick Sack?! COME ON!)
Michael McDonald
Patricia Flippen Williams
Jet Balcezak
Alex Colon
Geralyn Dukepoo

What were their parents thinking?

Thank you Mr. Rubik

I don't know if any of you have ever had a desk job but I do.  And it's not the kind of desk job where I can get up occasionally and walk away if I need to.  No, my ass is in a chair tethered to a phone by a 4 foot spiral corded headset.  When I'm on the phone with a customer there isn't much I can do while they endlessly babble into my ear.  I can't get on the internet or play a game on my iPhone... I can only sit there and hope that my brain doesn't explode.  Naturally, I've had to find ways to keep my sanity while I'm chained up for 40 hours a week.  So what do I do?  Rubik's cube.  I told my mom about my work woes about a year or so ago and she got me one thinking it would keep my attention for a while... and it did.  I had figured it out in a week and now I seriously solve a Rubik's cube about 40-50 times a day.  I honestly think it's what keeps me sane.  It usually takes me about 2 minutes to solve one from being completely mixed up but I've been known to get lucky and do it in under 90 seconds from time to time.  So thanks Mom and thanks Mr. Rubik.  You all are the reason I still have eyes as I surely would have gouged them out by now if it weren't for you.

DJ Killer Tom Ato

So my friend Thomas (a.k.a Killer Tom Ato a.k.a DJ Toby Toms) is just a fantastic DJ. Over the past couple years he has released a few CDs full of mashups and remixes in the vein of Girl Talk and he keeps getting better and better as time goes by. He has really started closing the gap in quality and has even started branching out into something all his own. So without further adieu, allow me to introduce you to his newest offering: The Dream Date Dance Party Double Disctravaganza. Disc 1 of this epic compilation (aptly titled "The Dream Date Dance Party") includes 12 mashups of both oldies and current favorites while Disc 2 ("The Dream Date After Party") includes 10 more traditional remixes. Seriously, check this out... I can almost guarantee it will be part of your summer soundtrack.

There are two ways to get your hands on this album:

1)Click the link below to go to Killer Tom Ato's Myspace page where you will find a link to both a paid and free digital version of this album. If you get the free version and like it please donate so he can keep churning out the hits!

2)Give me $5 and I will get you a hard copy directly from the DJ himself

Download the new album here

Drink of the week

Every Friday I'm going to list some of my favorite drinks for you to try over the weekend. Whether it's a beer, mixed drink or some crazy conconction my friends and I have come up with these are the best of the best. If you don't like them well, that's your problem.

Purple Stank

This week's drink is an odd one. There is no reason why it should be good in any way but somehow it is. Purple Stank was discovered this week at the FSYC (Fort Sander Yacht Club) by a Billy Dee Williams inspired patron named Rick. All you need to make one is a Colt 45 and a bottle of Seagram's Wild Berries. Mix both in equal parts and voila... you have some Purple Stank. I know it sounds terrible but it is seriously pretty damn tasty. Pan will vouch for me on this one.

Halo Wars

You know, I don't really like RTS games (real-time strategies for those of you who are obviously not cool enough... think Risk but in real time). That's why when initially heard that the next Halo game was going to be one I let out a huge "meh" and kind of forgot about it. Well, when the demo came out I tried it and liked it a little. It still was just "OK" and I didn't really care much for it... it's just not my kind of game. So anyway my friend Pan starts freaking out and thinking this is going to be thing since sliced bread. I'm serious. Like I'm talking about a three month countdown via text. Everyday I would receive something along the lines of "dat wars ish is coming" or "wars in 4 weeks 3 days and 6 hours" or "i'm so excited... and i just can't hide it... for that wars jigga!" Seriously. I also feel that you need a bit of a backstory on Pan though. You see, generally speaking, when Pan gets excited about a game it is usually going to be a huge turd. There are countless examples of this and he'll even admit to it. So you can understand why him building this game up to be something it's not would make me not want it even more. Eventually, I gave in and preordered the game. It's the least I could do. I've made Pan preorder so many games he didn't want in the past so I thought I'd return the favor.

So fiiiinnnallly March 3rd rolls around and we all get the game (by all of course I mean Pan, Cole and myself). We start out really not knowing what the hell we are doing but soon get the hang of the game. I'm still on the fence at this point but it soon starts growing on me. Then something else happened. Something that in almost all my years of gaming has never happened. I started strategizing. Or I should say we started strategizing. And not just while we were playing online over the internet like those douchebags that play World of Warcraft. We started texting each other while we were at work, at home watching TV, at dinner. We started planning out our next attacks, what we were each going to be doing individually. I won't bore you with the deets but let's just say that as much as I didn't want to like this game I now do. And I like it a lot. I actually think about it after I'm done playing it more than any game in recent memory.

So there it is. I'm a nerd. As if the lightsaber in my bedroom wasn't proof enough, it's now solidified by the fact that I strategize about Halo Wars all day with my best friends via text message. And you know what? I'm perfectly fine with that.

I hate to double post...

...but this is too amazing and I think that I might forget it if I don't post it now.

What follows is an actual exchange I just had with a customer (keep in mind, we were having a somewhat normal conversation prior to him starting this up):

Me: Yeah, this month you've used about three...
Customer: Can you imagine why someone would bring a god damn knife to a mother fuckin' gun fight?
Me: Ummm, well... no I guess not sir.
Customer: Well, this asshole just came at me with a knife one time and I carry a Glock 9mm so I just shot him right in the shoulder.
Me: Wow.
Customer: I know! And the best part is I let him suffer for a little bit before I took his cell phone and called the cops. Alright, so what were you saying about my minutes again?

I can't make this shit up folks. I really can't.

Note to self:

So an awesome friend sent me some awesome 3D glasses the other day. They're the bad ass red and blue kind not the dumb new ones that look like plain sunglasses. Anyway, I thought it would be a good idea to where them at work... you know, just for shits. I must have worn them for about an hour before I realized they were still on. A co-worker said I looked like an idiot (psh) so I took them off. Big mistake. I felt like I was in a whole new world. And not Aladdin's kind of whole new world. It was not a new fantastic point of view. It was like the tunnel scene in the original Charlie and the Chocolate factory. It was scary. I honestly thought my eyes were permanently damaged but luckily, after a few agonizing minutes, my vision started to go back to normal. Whew! Crisis averted. I now know to wear them in moderation (or not at all... apparently I look retarded).

So, I guess my point is that if you ever want to freak out a kid or a baby... give them these glasses and make them watch the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Hilarity will ensue. Everyone knows that there is nothing funnier than scaring a baby.

Girl you know it's true.

Guess what. I'm obsessive. For those of you who know me I'm sure this doesn't come as a surprise. If we're friends on Facebook you may have noticed my list of "Current Obsessions" which is updated quite frequently. So I'm going to use this ish right hurr to explain why I'm in love with these things and why you should be too.

Veckatimest:
2006's Yellow House by Grizzly Bear is, in my opinion, a masterpiece. I thought this from the first time I heard it. The textures, the soundscapes, the harmonies... everything came together beautifully and it was music to my ears (pun definitely intended). It's hard to describe why they're so good so I won't even attempt it. Just go listen to this album through and through and you will understand. And I mean really listen. To top it off, they're also probably one of the best live acts I've ever seen. I didn't think there was any way that this four-piece from Brooklyn would ever be able to reproduce anything from Yellow House live and it still have the same effect as the recorded version but boy was I wrong. They're even better live and I can't seem to wrap my head around it. Long story short, buy Yellow House and see this band live. They will be at Bonnaroo this year and are also making a stop in Atlanta. Just go.

Enter 2009. Almost three years have past and I'm dying to get my hands on Grizzly Bear's newest offering. On 2/8/09 they announce their new album will be called Veckatimest and will include 12 songs, two of which they have teased me with on late night offerings such as Conan and Letterman (called "Two Weeks" and "While You Wait For the Others"). But there is a catch. It doesn't come out until May 26th. I'm crushed. What if I die before I get to hear this album? Ahhhh, but we live in age where a release date isn't really the release date anymore don't we? Not one month later Veckatimest has leaked to the interwebz! Rejoice! But wait, this is one of my favorite bands... it would be wrong to steal from them right? Dammit.

Enter moral dilemma. I get the majority of my music at the low low price of free.99 but I want to support Grizzly Bear. I mean, it's not like they're doing arena tours and pulling in millions of dollars. Ultimately I decide to pre-order Veckatimest from Grizzly's website (see the link below) to make myself feel better about a little sneak preview. So yes, I downloaded the album fully expecting to listen to it one time through just to satiate my obsession then delete it. But son of a bitch if I can't stop listening to it. I work 8 hours a day and it has been on repeat in my left ear ALL DAY LONG for a solid week. Grizzly Bear have truly outdone themselves. That is all there is to it. Every song is a gem and quite frankly, I'm jealous of their talent. I have no doubt in my mind that Veckatimest will be right at the top of my best albums of 2009 list. So basically, do yourself a favor and buy Veckatimest on May 26th. You won't be dissappointed.

Pre-order Veckatimest

Let's get this mother started.

You probably don't care but I've decided to start a blog. I haven't really decided exactly what it will contain yet (other than copious amounts of that ish) but I guess we'll see what happens.

I will try to make this one of the only times I go on a stupid rant but here goes:

Right now I'm at work not working and I've come to the realization that I hate my job. I'm a people person. I really am. But I hate people. Well, not all people per se... just the idiots I'm forced to deal with on a daily basis. And trust me, there are a lot. It saddens me to report, or confirm rather, that the education system in the U.S. is obviously OBVIOUSLY failing. People are just stupid and irresponsible. Plain and simple. Why do Americans feel like they are automatically entitled to anything and everything they want at no charge? I just want to scream, "WE ARE A BUSINESS. WE ARE HERE TO MAKE MONEY. IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE A CELL PHONE PLAN THAT COSTS $200 A MONTH."

I wish for one day you could come sit with me and listen to these people that I have to talk to. From guilt trips to voodoo to people legally named Galaxy Starcruiser to bomb threats on my home... every day is a new adventure. Don't get me wrong, my job is easy and it pays but I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm ready for a change.

/rant

With all that ish being said, and on a more positive note, I think I've finally figured out what I want to major in. And I mean for reals this time. This fall I'm going to start back at UT part-time and attempt to get my BFA in photography. I really love taking pictures and I'm super eager to learn more about the medium. So that's exciting I guess.

I must get back to the grindstone now. I hope this first post doesn't scare you away. My next will be more fun I promise.

Bayless out.