Riddit-dit-da-roo

For so many years I've endlessly made fun of all the hippies that go to Bonnaroo. I just don't see what is so appealing about going to a field for 4 days with thousands of unshowered idiots to listen a bunch of music that I hate. Why would I want to spend $4 for a bottle of water? Who gives a shit about the stupid ass Dave Matthews Band or Umphrey's McGhee? THEY SUCK BALLS FOLKS! Who wants to swelter in 90-degree heat with nothing but patchwork pants and a wife beater on? Not to mention all the mud, murders, rape... oh wait, that was Altamont.

I have had nothing but hate for this stupid effing festival for as long as I can remember... so why am I going this year?

I'll tell you why.

1) The Lineup. This year's lineup is simply put... amazing. Sure, there are a bunch of bullshit bands that I couldn't care less about but I am definitely going to get my money's worth. Grizzly Bear, The Mars Volta, Bon Iver, Bruce THE EFFING BOSS Springsteen, Beastie Boys, NIN, Wilco, Costello, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Band of Horses, The Decemberists, Coheed and sooooo many more that I don't even have time to list. This is also not including the comedic stylings of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Arj Barker and Kristen Schaal to name a few. Seriously.... this is going to be amazing and will be worth every penny of the $267 I dropped on a ticket.

2) The Friends. I'm happy to report that I'm going to be sharing this experience with some of the best friends in the world... Pan, Cole, Paul, and Thomas. I couldn't ask for a better group of dudes to go to this with me and honestly think it will be something we remember sharing for a long time to come.

3) The cleanliness factor. From what I hear, the aforementioned dirty skanky nasty hippies aren't so bad. Apparently there are showering stations and plenty of bathrooms but we'll see.


There are a million other reasons why this is going to be, quite possibly, the highlight of my year. I'm sure there will be many more that actually spring up when I'm actually at Bonnaroo and I'll be sure to share once we return home.

Effing Bayless effing out bitches.